Some people say that the debate is over. John Kerry says it. President Obama says it. George Stephanopoulos says it. Heck, so does Jimmy Kimmel. The science is clear, the voting is in, and the doubters should just go away.
The polar ice caps are melting! But, according to satellite data, they are not. The global temperature has risen for the last thousand years! But, according to data that has not been doctored by East Anglia University, the global temperature has gone up and down over the last millennium, and has not gone up in the last 18 straight years. Sorry, Lou, there ain’t no hockey stick, just a straight, horizontal yardstick.
Because a minority of outspoken scientists claims that the earth is warming, the waters are rising, the summers are hotter, the winters are colder, the winds are stronger, and the sunlight is harsher, we need to take drastic measures to save the environment. Curly lightbulbs, pouring government money into politically connected solar companies, and mandating that toilets can only use a cup of water to flush are just the start of making our planet green.
Since cows emit so much methane, that’s a fart for those of you in Bloomington, we must genetically modify cow intestines, or eliminate cows from the planet? Farms? Leather coat manufacturers? What are we to do with all of this carbon dioxide that man creates?
Well, I have an answer. Plants. Grow more plants. Don’t they like carbon dioxide? What if everyone planted one tree and one mound of zucchini plants each year? You would get food, and wood and plants that use up the carbon dioxide. What a concept!
When someone like Al Gore has to go around the world to promote his scheme to make big bucks with carbon futures, then how can we not see that something is not right in Mudville? Now even Pope Francis says the greatest threat to Christianity is global warming? I think something was lost in the translation.
Why don’t you non-deniers put that in your pipe and smoke it? Oh, they are already doing that in Colorado, and soon in your state. Hey, grow enough weed and that will take care of all of that extra carbon dioxide. See, those dope-heads are smarter than we thought.
– G Dub Dub